Friday, May 11, 2007

4 more years!

Maybe its time to follow in the footsteps of our celebrities and purchase a Prius! Even the hotties are purchasing them.

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Anyone else feel this way about the gas prices? Holy cow it sure is expensive to go to work these days. I think I'm just working to afford to get there!

Now I understand why someone is in such a good mood.

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I guess I would be LMFAO too if I was ripping off all of America and getting away with it. Actually I wouldn't, but I'd be as rich as that bastard, and he has the entire South and Ohio to thank! Oh yah, and Khaldia too!! We love you Dubya XOXOXO!

From Alcoholic to Ambassador.

Drew Barrymore, who once battled alcoholism and drug abuse at age 4, is now getting an opportunity to help bring those same staples in her childhood to children in third world countries.

Barrymore has been named a UN Ambassador working against childhood hunger in the world. Barrymore claims that she is both honored and humbled to be in charge of such a task.

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Yes, I'd say this photo shows your humbleness indeed.
Let's just hope she stays sober long enough to not eat all the munchies that should be sent oversees. Good Luck Drew!


Clangs do cry.

Cameron Diaz has had enough ya'll.

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Why must we hate her because she is beautiful? That's what this piece of $h*+ clang is asking the world.

"If a woman who's a successful actress weighs 300 pounds and has warts, nobody ever asks her, 'Do you think you made it because you're ugly?' So why should there be prejudice against someone who's had some success in films and looks a little better than average."

"It's all in my genes, so don't hold it against me."

Is it all in your genes to be the most irritating fug in Hollywood? Because lately, I think thats the dominant gene you are portraying.

And by the way Clang, we don't hate you for that reason. We hate you for reasons like this or this

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I'm giving y'all the benefit

Happy weekend y'all! Oh, you have to work tomorrow? Sucks. I don't! Which means that I will not be posting. And I'm not apologizing this time. In y'alls faces! Be sure to come by these parts tomorrow, as Girl #2 and The Gay will surely satisfy your gossip needs. A quick question while I have your attention. Do you want to see Blank or Not-A-Blank make its triumphant return to the blog? Or shall we let it peacefully die? I've heard from a couple of you that you miss that feature (if you don't know what i'm talking about, click the label in this post). Let me know, in the comments and have a great weekend (and try not to bone yourself too hard)!

The fatty chimes in

Since this whole "Paris Hilton goes to jail" funfest began, I've been asking myself, "Hey! What does that fat, useless piece of shit Jason Davis (Brandon "firecrotch" Davis' brother) think of all this?" Well, obviously this guy who would probably be just as fake-famous as Paris if he wasn't such a fatty doesn't think that she should go to jail. TMZ caught him outside of some club jiggling on about...well, I'm not sure exactly. You can go here to watch him ramble. But if you just ate lunch and don't want to be disgusted by looking at him, here is a bit of what he managed to squeeze out before he got winded and had to take a seat somewhere:

You know, jus-you know I'm a strong fan in justice, in justice being served, but not this justice. Because justice should not prevail on her, justice should prevail on the real criminals out there who are other celebrities who have committed way harsher crimes but are still walking the streets and it's absolutely retarded. Vote for me for president. I completely vote against her going to jail and if we can fight for it we'll absolutely do it.

Not this justice. No sir! Someone should have dangled a cookie in front of his face to make him stop talking.

What's happening in Melbourne?

Who the hell knows, but apparently this "Eddie" might bone himself. An Australian friend of mine sent me this link, when I asked him what "bone" meant in Australia, he said he didn't know. I read the accompanying article, and I think it means that he's going to "hire" himself, but I'll continue believing that the entire population of Melbourne is wondering if Eddie is gonna sex himself up. Those crazy Australians. Back to the gossip!


Bottled, Fragrant Orgasm

I'm sure some of you are probably wondering why I haven't written anything about Prince's upcoming Tour De Not America London. Sometimes news like this just hits me a little too hard. What did London ever do for you PRINCE?? He said:

"Last time I was here, a lot of people didn't get to see me, so we are trying to make it affordable for everybody," said Prince, who spoke to the media in a darkened room lined with purple drapes. "That's why we are doing such an extended stay."

First, let me point out that it is not necessary for you to describe the room to me, Associated Press. I pretty much can assume that the room will be dark & sexy, and covered in purple. Second, a lot of people didn't get to see you here, Prince! Why must you forsake me? But lucky for us all, Prince is giving us the enormous pleasure of bathing in his scent very, very soon. That's right. Get ready for Prince: The Perfume. It's actually going to be called 3121 after his last studio album, but I call it liquid sex and I will be drenching my soul in it beginning July 7. The official website promises that purple will reign on 07.07.07, and I'm assuming it means that it will reign all over my vagina. Prince, I forgive you for choosing London over me, partly due to the fact that your perfume will be released on the same day that Eva Longoria & Tony Parker tie the knot and I am hoping that the good people of this world will rightly care more about your perfume than those two assholes.

Look at that face! I can't stay mad at you!!!

Get it, Marky. GET IT!

I will spend the majority of today closing my eyes together really tight and whispering "I wish to be Mark Wahlberg's right hand...I wish to be Mark Wahlberg's right hand..." over and over again until my wish comes true.


She likes the slime

Page Six is reporting that Cameron Diaz looked like hell on the Today Show yesterday because she was out at a sex club until 4am prior to the taping of the show. Cameron apparently "stared the whole time" at "two topless girls rubbing slime on each other and wrestling, followed by a simulated 'sex show' conducted behind a silk screen". So Cameron likes to watch topless ladies give each other the 'ol slime rubdown? What's the problem here? If anything, it explains why she likes to go to the Kid's Choice Awards so much. You can judge Cameron for having a massive, dangly clang, but don't judge her because she likes to watch slimey sex, and don't judge me because I like to watch two oiled up naked men eating popsicles with their feet while humming the tune "Cars that go Boom". Different people, different things, you know?

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Did you guess correctly?

For those of you who guessed Val Kilmer in today's rousing game of Guess Who? congrats! You are right! That fatty is the man formerly known as Ice in Top Gun. I used to want the Iceman to cometh all over my face, now I just don't know.

Amy Winehouse is jacked in the face

Amy Winehouse is more jacked than I originally suspected. Not only is she disgustingly thin & lacks the steady hand required to apply eyeliner without looking like an asshole, but now she's missing teeth? I really hope her singing career goes well, otherwise the next place we will see Ms. Winehouse is on a future episode of Hookers at the Point. Even Jewel's grill isn't this jacked. Looking at this picture and thinking about Jewel reminded me of one of the greatest songs ever written. Have you ever heard the title track from Jewel's 1995 album Pieces of You? Oh man, it is on my top 5 most ridiculous songs ever list. She never made a video for this (and you'll see why) so I was forced to pick a "tribute" video from youtube. Like all music from Jewel, this is a little NSFW - so turn your speakers down & fast forward to 2:20 in to hear the last 2 (and greatest) verses.

Cameron the leader of Clangons.

I know Cameron Diaz is hot to some(??). But to others, including myself, she is an annoying, fugly, second-rate actress who needs to be whacked across the face once or thrice. And lately, she's really been stinkin' it up in the fashion department. Check out her latest on TRL.

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Maybe some people like this look. But if you take a closer look, this short denim look reveals what we all know she has. A clang. And a very long one at that.

Perhaps she should avoid wearing such a short denim jumper when her vagina hangs so low. You might say, "but thats only the wall background that you see".. but no.. that is just what the Clangons want you to think so you don't suspect their plans to take over the world one disease transferred at a time!

If you don't know about the damage of the Clangons yet, let this be your warning! Don't believe how powerful and damaging to your vision the Clangons can be? Maybe this will help to convince you..

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..Pardon me as I go flush acid in my eyeballs.

TGG Exclusive! First look at the Lohan on Lohan interview!

Entertainment Tonight hired Dina Lohan to be a special red carpet correspondent for the premiere of Georgia Rule last night. According to Page Six, they thought Dina did such a great job exploiting her daughter the first time around that they'd give her another go at it:

A spokeswoman for the show told Page Six: "Dina Lohan will be a special correspondent for the 'Georgia Rule' premiere. We are looking forward to Dina asking the questions only a mother can."

This isn't the first time Dina has tried to use her daughter's fame to snag an "exclusive." When Lindsay was in rehab, her mom took "ET" on the plane with her and her other daughter, Ali Lohan, to go "visit" Lindsay at the Wonderland facility in L.A.

Nice work, Dina. Lucky for y'all, we at TGG have collectively slept with enough people at Entertainment Tonight to bring you the exclusive transcript of the interview. While we are icing our vaginas, why don't you take a look:


Lindsay is interviewing with Pat O'Brien who luckily works for The Insider so we didn't have to bone him

Dina: Lindsay! LIND-SAAAAY! I'm talking to you! Get over here RIGHT NOW!

Lindsay: What mom, god!

Dina: It's interview time! WHOOOO! Okay...deep breaths, Dina. This is your moment! Okay! Hi, Dina Lohan here interviewing the beautiful and talented child that slid from my botoxed loins, Lindsay Lohan! Lindsay, first things first, do you want a drink?

Lindsay: [whispering] Mom...there are cameras here...

Dina: [removing a flask from under her dress] OH COME ON! Did momma raise a little tight ass? No she didn't. NO SHE DI'INT! HA! Now drink, everyone likes you better when you're wasted anyway...That's better, that's momma's little girl. Now we're ready. So daughter, what's the best thing about being my daughter?

Lindsay: Oh, I don't know mom! It's either all these delightful freckles that have infested every inch of my body, or the fact that you constantly supply me with drugs, or that you leech on to me like a parasite, draining all hope I have for a normal life.

Dina: [backhands Lindsay] Don't you speak to me that way!

Lindsay runs away

Dina: Linds wait! We didn't get the money shot! Come back! COME BAAAACK!

Dina stomps the ground & pees herself while Ali Lohan looks on with an expression of familiar horror on her face


While Paris Hilton gently weeps

In a rare touching moment, jail-bound whore Paris Hilton weeps as she leaves her lawyer's office. It is times like this that really make me think about what I do here on the blog. I mean, we sit here and pass judgment and ridicule on these poor celebrities who are just trying to live their lives. Man, all I have to say is...

KEEP CRYING BITCH! HAHAHA! You'll really be crying when you are forced to lick all sorts of vag in the clink. Those crazy butch lesbians will only laugh at your tears, just as I am. I've seen Reform School Girls, I know how this shit works. And it works like this:

Yeah, get ready to get tore up, Paris. TMZ posted this video of the tears in action. Paris weeps as she and her mom bump Christina Aguilera's song Candyman (unless Xtina is advertising on paparazzi videos now) and Paris' mom begins to console her, but then briefly glances down to make sure that her shirt is still open enough to show the goods if the cameras are at the right angle. Even your mom doesn't care that much about you, Paris. June 5 will be a glorious day, indeed.

Who is that sexy beast?

Pay no attention to the lady or the seagull. Who is that fine, enraging she-bone inducing, shirtless piece of hotness strolling along the beach? Hint: Disregard the boobs, that is a man! And he used to be hot! That's all you'll get from me. Leave your guesses in the comments, and check back later today for the answer!

Don't let her fool you

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At first glance, this picture of Britney Spears holding her eldest lad Sean Preston seems endearing. Aww, motherly love - it almost makes you forget that she is still wearing that stupid cowboy hat. But why don't you take a closer look at this photo by clicking on it. Go ahead, I'll wait.

It goes from lovable mother to whore that is picking her son up from her pimp's house after a hard night on the corner pretty darn quick, doesn't it? Britney, them tights is ripped up. You have millions of dollars, go buy some new ones. I know having a big hole right near your crotch makes it easier to slut it up, but come on! Now you not only look like a whore, but you look like one that was just raped and tossed on the side of the road. Buy some new fishnets. This isn't funny anymore.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Trucker Hats: Now for us bitches!

Hey Ladies! If you're like me, you've been saddened by the fact that the dudes have monopolized the douchey trucker hat look for quite some time. Popularized by the likes of Ashton Kutcher and frat-boy rapists, trucker hats were THE item to have if you were going to drink a beer and then go punchin' minorities. But what about us sexy ladies? What do we wear when we want to say something so incredibly pointless and ridiculous it can only be summed up by wearing a hat? Well, thanks to a few lady celebrities, our womanly dreams of wearing trucker hats can finally become a reality. As you may have gathered from yesterday's Le Art, Britney Spears sported a trucker hat with a vulgar word on it!

Oh boy! In case you can't read bright orange old english, that hat says *gasp* THE EFF WORD on it! While the context of Britney's hat F-Bomb remains unclear (Is this a "Fuck All Y'all" type of gesture, or a more introspective "I'm fucked" or even a offer to "fuck" her? Who knows, really?) she certainly is making a statement (albeit a douchey one) without saying a word.

Sorry Britney, but I prefer the less confusing trucker hat. Take Fergie Ferg's recent example:

No confusion here! Except maybe for Fergie who I assume has now labeled all of her clothing in the same way to avoid putting this hat on as underwear. This does not go on your vajesus Fergie, and now that it is labeled as a hat, I hope you will never make that mistake again. So thank you, once again, useless female celebrities! Even though we all were glad that is awful fad finally seemed to run its course, I can always count on a few dumbass celebrities to try to bring it back.

Why doesn't anyone want to be near me?

I know we already talked about the insane level of fug Jessica Simpson attained last night, but I don't think The Jesus would forgive me if I didn't draw special attention to this photo. I can't even find words for this photo, but by the way John Mayer is dragging his wide-eyed "lady" friend behind him, I think it's safe to say that these two may be heading for a break-up in the near future. Unless he enjoys sleeping with an overtanned mer-man. Even Ken Paves is hanging his head in shame. I'm putting this as an early front-runner for the best celebrity photo of 2007. Sweet Jesus, I'd put this as my desktop background if I didn't think it would give my monitor some sort of sea-disease.


And here we fucking go again. Don't you people understand Tyra Banks yet? Now that you've exposed what's been hiding under those nasty scarves she's been wrapping around her head all season on ANTM expect to see an entire Tyra show dedicated to how this was just a bad picture of her head, and that her hair isn't really like that, a la this. Then she'll get on the cover of some hair magazine, which will be obviously photoshopped. I imagine it to look something like this:

And she'll be screaming, "YOU CALL THIS FAKE HAIR?!?" for the next 6 months. She's like the friendly neighborhood tard that thinks that the grass in your front yard is candy. Do you tell him that it's not and be forced to mow your own lawn? Hell-to-the-no you don't. You let that little mentally handicapped fool eat your grass all day long. Alls I'm saying is, for the peace & sanity of us all...let Tyra eat the grass, y'all.

Source & Source

There is nothing gay about this

Nope. This is 100% Straight activity. Now, if they were naked, one was turned the other direction, and they were on top of each other, that might be a liiittle gay. But this? This is just two dudes, one who happens to be Matthew McConaughey, on a picnic table, thrusting the atmosphere. Well done, dudes.

The Parade of Assholes

Last night, the 2007 Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala or how I like to refer to it: The Parade of Assholes swept through New York and it looks like the Bride of Frankenstein was there! I'm seriously terrified of Cate Blanchett right now. Cate usually looks stunning on the red carpet (with a few unfortunate exceptions, of course) but someone needs to get a hairbrush and a hamburger to this ho, stat! I don't think anyone could look worse at this event.

Oh my. I guess I was wrong. The length of this photo surely does not alleviate any of the overwhelming repulsion I am currently feeling. She's like an overtanned mer-man. Sick. If you'd like to see many more celebrities trying to look crazy-chic but actually looking like a bunch of assholes go here and here and here.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Celebrity Art: Series 1: Volume 2: Fave Celebrity Updates

Hey all. Its that time again! Celebrity Le Art! This time around we check in on some of our favorite newsmakers and how they're doing these days since being released from rehab or getting pulled over. And as always, send us your ideas for the next volume of Le Art!

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Looks like they're still making headlines and they are all back to normal everyday life as menaces to society who are infecting our youth! We love you girls, keep it up!

Off Today: Lesbo Alert!

It is a sad day for me today, as I will most likely be unable to blog. My computer is a dickface, I must allow my coworkers to wine & dine me at an undisclosed location, and then I will be forced to actually complete some work. I'm sorry!!! I'll be back tomorrow, I promise! It's okay though, because we have plenty of links on the right that will fill all of your gossip needs. Plus, I could never have picked a better headline than The Sun did for Paris Hilton's impending trip to the clink than:

Paris In Jail Lesbo Alert
Star will have to share shower with butch lesbians

I mean, that pretty much sums it up, innit? I'm really quite upset by this sad turn of events today (not Paris going to jail, that rules!) as there is much going on in the celebrity world that I would like to make fun of. You can help avoid days like this by ADVERTISING ON THIS SITE! Email us at! We'll sell you space CHEAP! And you might even get a blowjob from The Gay out of it. And I won't save him from it, unlike Ari & Lloyd from Entourage. I would encourage the whoring out of our own. If you don't have anything to advertise, continue telling your friends about the site! Remind them that things like this rarely happen and that we post a lot of pictures of wang. Y'all seem to like that. Anyway, have a great Monday - and I'll be back tomorrow!

Girl #1