Thursday, August 9, 2007

Keep your Fun Hole clean

When Terrence Howard isn't being fangled in the fun hole, he's going to great lengths preserving the cleanliness of it. When wiping your ass, according to TH, you can't just use paper on that (literal) shit. You best have some baby wipes in your bathroom if you want Terrence Howard to not have sex with you. He elaborates an interview with Elle:

On his relationship philosophy:

"If a relationship is built on sexuality, it won't last long. Now I'm completely chaste through a relationship unless I get married. I don't believe in premarital sex. It enabled me to date three or four women at the same time, because as long as I wasn't having sex with them, I could always just walk away. There were some [past girlfriends] who pushed for sex, and sometimes they won. Afterward, I would feel unclean, like I'd compromised my own values. So I would have to let them go because they didn't help me to be a stronger person."

On his deal-breaker:

"Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."

Since there is no sex, I assume that Terrence gets off by having his lady friends gently lay him down, lift up his legs, and peer into his hole of fun before they wipe it clean with a moist towelette. Then he demands to be wrapped in swaddling cloths and cooed to sleep. And wouldn't you know it? That just so happens to be my specialty. Don't judge Terrence. It's hard out here for a man-baby. Come to mama, Terrence. I've got a whole carton of baby wipes with your name on it.



Anonymous said...

T.Ho would love me. I've been baby-wipin' for years.

Anonymous said...

Now the thing about the babywipes is, they are not good for your sewer system. The paper is thickrer than normal toilet paper and therfore is more likely to cause a backup in your pipes. Believe me, no one wants a poopy basement. No one!


Bianca James said...

this is so creepy that I can't stop thinking about it.