Matthew McConaughey's School for Tools

Wanna turn that beer belly into rock hard abs that you can stare at and gently caress all day long?

Want to know where to score the best weed, shrooms, & roofies?

Do you think you're not as egotistical as you could be?

Well then, step right up! You could be the perfect candidate for Matthew McConaughey's School for Tools™!! At Matthew McConaughey's School for Tools™, you'll learn valuable skills such as:

*How to do pushups on a picnic table
*Which type of bandana or visor accurately represents your level of doucheyness
*How to get all KINDS of pussy!
*How to transform useless energy (respect for others) into useful energy (admiration for no one but yourself)
*Which bong is best for getting "totally high"
*What to do when the cops bust you for playing the bongos naked

And much MUCH more! Contact 1-800-TOOLS-R-US to enroll! Spaces are going fast (No, they're not).