Friday, June 8, 2007

Victoria Beckham: Alien or Not-An-Alien

Um...guys? I think we've been invaded. We just have to decide if she is a real-life "We come in peace" type of alien, or just one of those pesky illegal types that come here to steal our jobs. It's a good thing we have blank or not-a-blank every week to guide us through these tough times. Who knows what the outcome of today's debate will be. All I know is, if Posh is an alien, I get to break the sad, sad news to David. And I plan on breaking it to him in the form of a blow job. We're on an express elevator to hell - going down! It's blank or not-a-blank!

Victoria Beckham's head is shaped like an alien:

But I don't know if this necessarily makes her an alien. I mean, both Rumer Willis and the coach of the Cavaliers have heads that are shaped like potatoes, but I'm not about to bite either of them to see if they taste like a french fry. Not-An-Alien

This outfit proves that Victoria Beckham is, in fact, an alien. Only an alien would think that a hot pink bra looks good under a zebra print dress. A human would have realized right away that a sequined bra was the way to go. Either that, or she's one of them fancy shape-shifting aliens, and she was in the process of morphing into a full fledged slutty zebra. A slutty zebra waitin' for a fight. Whichever it is, I don't trust her. Alien

Do aliens have vaginas? I'm just asking, because I know that Posh has got some kids. Maybe she secretly adopted them. Because I don't think aliens have vaginas. Aren't they all smooth down there like a barbie doll? Or am I confusing them with angels? I don't know. What I do know is that babies hate aliens. So based on this,

I say we give one more point to Team Alien. Alien

The gays (headed up by our The Gay) love this bitch. The Gay attempted to show us a softer side of Vicky in that post, and I'd like to think that even though the gays that love her are really just hypnotized by her size 00, her millions, her ultra-hot husband, her never ending supply of clothing provided by only the fanciest of designers - that they could spot an Alien among us if need be. An exclusive source has revealed to me that the ever elusive gaydar also works on aliens. Not-An-Alien

Victoria Beckham was in the Spice Girls. While rumors are currently swirling about a possible reunion of the girl group, I'm not so sure if I want that to happen. The lyrics to "Wanna Be" eloquently state "I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha". I've consulted another famous alien to discover the true meaning of the phrase "zigazig ha" in the almost undecipherable language de aliens. He told me that "zigazig ha" actually means "I'm going to come to earth, start a girl group, break up the girl group, marry the world's hottest man, have millions, get the girl group back together,..." and here's where it gets really fucked up "...make a sex tape with my hot husband in which i will swiftly bite off his penis, at that point I will reveal my true form as a shape-changing alien to the world. I will become your queen." Whoa. That shit is scary. And that is why the Spice Girls cannot get back together. Alien

I think it's pretty clear. Her head shape is merely a coincidence, but a deeper and thorough investigation has shown that Victoria Beckham is, in fact, an alien. Gays, you've steered me wrong AGAIN! Unless I missed some crucial evidence proving otherwise. Got any facts you'd like to share? Leave them in the comments! As always, feel free to send your suggestions for next weeks blank or not-a-blank to!


Jackie said...

Shes is an alien. I was wondering what was up with her. Thanks for showing me the truth.

jambles said...

if anything her resistence to join the cult of scientology should show us she is no alien. i just think she is plastic is all.

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