Monday, June 4, 2007

Toss 'em if you can't (simulated)rape 'em

Akon is really tough, man. If you're a lady he's gonna dry hump the ever loving crap out of you until you are nothing but a jumbled up pile of 14-year-old flesh covered only by a red swimsuit shirt. If you're a dude, he's gonna pluck your ass from the audience and then toss you back into the crowd like a ragdoll. Honestly, I was hoping he was gonna dry hump the guy as soon as he started taking his shirt off. That would have been a much better punishment, in fact, Akon should grind whoever is upsetting him at any given moment. Stuck in traffic? Get out of the car, pull the person out of the car in front of you and show them the sweet vengeance of a Grind by Akon™. Album didn't sell as many copies as you'd like? Go to your nearest Tower Records and pretend to R everyone there until they buy at least 3 copies of your album. I think I'm going to adopt this method myself.


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