What? What's that you say, Page Six? Christina Aguilera is pregnant? You don't say! I could have sworn I heard that somewhere before! That's okay, I can congratulate myself. I'd like to thank my sad, pathetic attempt at a life, for allowing me to notice when a pop-star who hasn't done anything worth noticing in years starts covering up her belly. I'd like to thank my endless love of tabloid magazines for showing me that wild speculation = success & profit. Except for the whole "success & profit" part, which I didn't really get to benefit from. And finally, I'd like to present myself with the prestigious "Celebrity Baby exploitation" award:
The baby on the left represents Christina's spawn, who we will henceforth refer to as "Dirtay Girl #1 Jr." as previously discussed. The baby on the right represents Shiloh Jolie-Pitt - queen of celebrity babies and the world. We'll continue to keep you posted on any and all developments, including, but not limited to, the moment that Christina attempts to tan her baby right before it enters the world by spritzing spray tan into her vagina.