Look! It's the Spice Girls! And they've reunited and will bestow upon us more beautiful and groundbreaking music! But this isn't your old Spice Girls. Naw. Fuck that. This the new Spice Girls. Posh, Sporty, er...Red?, Baby & Scary have been replaced with Dominatrix, Hipster, Grandma, Preggo, & Paternity Spice! Finally, a group of girls that actually represent how I could be feeling at any given moment. Sometimes, I feel like a slut, some times I don't. Well, that's not true. I always feel like a slut. But sometimes I feel like an S&M slut, other times I'm giving hand jobs for tickets to the sold-out White Stripes show, or sometimes to the elderly to thank them for being old. Sometimes I get pregnant from being a slut, and then I'm accusing people of being the father and going on Maury to get paternity tests done. See! A spice for all seasons! This is going to be the greatest reunion of all time.