Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you the second candidate in our Best photo of 2007 contest (remember the first candidate?). Man, this is gonna be a tough contest this year. Coming back from such a lovely weekend to be greeted by the news that Paris Hilton went back to jail gave me a renewed sense of hope for this world. Okay, not really. But I did feel a bit of warm joy that for once wasn't due to me peeing my pants. So that's a plus, on my end anyway. Thankfully for all of us, every news outlet in the world is covering this breaking story, so I'm sure I'll be crapping Paris Hilton shaped poops in no time due to her being constantly on the brain. Those are going to go for millions on ebay. I can't wait. We'll try to cover as much as we can handle here, which...quite honestly isn't going to be that much. We can only stand her when she is crying or humiliated, so we'll be sure to cover that. Basically, we'll bring you the funny stuff, like when Paris Hilton said the following about her first trip jail:
"I was not eating or sleeping. I was severely depressed and felt as if I was in a cage...
Bitch, it's supposed to feel like a cage! In all honesty, a cage is a pretty accurate description of what jail is.
And then she said this about round 2 in jail:
"I used to act dumb. That act is no longer cute.
"Now, I would like to make a difference.
"God has given me this new chance."
I would like to know the circumstances behind her coming to the realization that "playing dumb" was not going to cut it in jail. The only way to make it in jail is to act completely and totally insane. For instance, you might want to try walking up to a fellow inmate and asking them if they'd like to hear you fart the national anthem. When they say no, then you stab them. No one will fuck with you then. I know because I was in jail once. It was a rough time in my life and I really don't like talking about it. It totally felt like a cage. A drug fueled, sexed up, lesbian cage. I tried to warn Paris about what jail would be like, but she never seems to listen. Give in, Paris. Find out why the caged bird sings.