Friday, June 1, 2007

Don't watch this.

On the rare chance that I have encounters with celebrities, they usually don't go so well. This is because I get all star-struck and start humping their legs and beg them to adopt me. It's awkward, and 90% of the time I end up arrested. Celebrities tend not to respond so well to my approach. It's a good thing that Adrien Grenier isn't really a celebrity, so when I had the chance to meet him in 2003 (maybe? - it really was not that monumental of an occasion) I kept an adequate distance which allowed me to properly judge him. This was pre-Entourage, so Adrien was starting to come to the sad realization that he would always be known as that curly haired dude from that one movie with Clarissa Explains it All. And in his weakened state, he agreed to come to the Film Festival I was working at and show his shitty documentary that he has now somehow convinced HBO to screen as well. He is basically just like his character on Entourage: a self-absorbed, talentless hack who was put on this earth to annoy us all...and of course, to bone all the insecure women of the world. What I'm trying to say is, when you left me laying on the floor, after you peed on me, tossed me a towel and $5 and told me to buy myself something pretty...I'm pretty sure we shared a moment, Adrian.

I kid. I didn't bone him. But some other chick did, and when he left our quaint little town it was rumored that he told her that they "had a moment, nothing more, nothing less..." or something equally ridiculous. He also charged people $1/minute to use his cell phone and scolded someone for taking a bag after they bought him some stuff at the store. He went green before going green was cool, just like he was in Williamsburg before Williamsburg was Williamsburg. But to get back to the point, this "documentary" (if you can call a douche with a video camera and a fleeting career a documentary) is about Adrian trying to find his father. Surprise! He finds him! Surprise! No one cares!!! So unless you want to watch some jackass and his friend drive around in a car for 90 minutes and talk about his not-really-that-pathetic-or-interesting life, I suggest that you rent the highly superior film that he lifted the title from.


iamshanimal said...

You're not really green if you chain smoke.

His friend John was cool, though.

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