Thursday, June 21, 2007

Beyonce in ye olde times

If Beyonce would have been alive in 1912, and also aboard the Titanic, I have a feeling the the outcome would have been a lot different. She could have just said, "Ahoy! Women & children! Climb aboard my ass and I shall save ye!" (She would say "ye" because that's how they talked back then). All the little kiddies would have climbed upon her ass, and she would have swam them to safety, then entertained them by singing Bootylicious, which they would have found to be rather offensive. She would then have been burned at the stake - for offending them and for being black - because people sure did love their racism back then. That phenomenal and groundbreaking movie would have had an even bigger buzzkill for an ending (If you can even IMAGINE. I cried for like, DAYS, after seeing Kate never let go - only actually let go because he was dead, and holding onto a dead body is gross and gets rather heavy), so I guess everyone is better off that Beyonce is alive now and gracing us with her presence by drinking a faggy drink of some sort in the pool. Her time is much better spent drinking dranks rather than saving lives, don't you agree?


nic said...

Effing brilliant! I'm gonna get fired over this!

Anonymous said...

I had never seen the movie. Thanks for ruining the ending, asshole.