Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Paula saves dog's life, ruins mine.

Damn you, Paula Abdul! DAMN YOU!!! I was perfectly content NOT watching the finale of American Idol tonight. I could give a shit about either of the two hacks you have competing to win the glorious title of Ford's next top one hit wonder among housewives & pre-teens. But then Paula had to go and break her nose because she was trying to avoid trampling her small dog. To show us the fighter that she is, she will power through the pain and appear on the AI finale tonight. Sweet merciful crap, Paula. Why couldn't you just let me not watch in peace? Now I am forced to tune in just to see how jacked you look. Will she be wearing a face-mask, a la Rip Hamilton of the greatest team in the NBA, the Detroit Pistons? Will she bedazzle it??? Or is she just gonna rock her busted up nose au naturale like this guy:

I'll definitely be tuning in. And may I just say that I respect Paula's commitment to terrifying children. First, it was her constant drug fueled state on various talk shows and on American Idol and now she will guarantee that all the youths of America will have nightmarish visions of Paula Abdul and her broken nose dancing in their heads. I know I will.

Edit: Well, looks like Paula's face isn't as jacked as I would have hoped. I still like my version of what may go down on Idol tonight better than reality, which is true with most of the stories I invent in my brain. Good news: The many MANY drugs she is on due to the nose problem, combined with the many MANY drugs she is on due to her overwhelming addictions seem to be complimenting each other quite nicely.


David said...

Greatest team in the NBA? Didn't the Suns just get jobbed by Commissioner David "Iceman" Stern? As a fan of basketball, I am now praying for chartered jets in Michigan and Texas to just go down, and spare me the impossible pain of another fucking Pistons-Spurs snooze-fest, er, finals.

Girl #1 said...

as a fan of the pistons, i declare them the greatest team in the NBA. and yes, i am an authority on this matter.

Girl #2 said...

I am going to pretend that I did not read David's comment. While I hate the Spurs, I would love nothing more than to watch Tim "I never foul anyone" Duncan slumped down in his chair crying next to his coach's jacked up face, as the Detroit Pistons avenge their '05 repeat attempt.