Hi, I'm Jessica Simpson. Are you cursed as I am? No, I'm not talking about my hideous face or personality, I'm talking about my lack of a FUPA, or Fat Upper Pussy/Pubic (whichever floats your boat) Area. For many a FUPA, you can check out this blog. Yes, my lack of a FUPA has cursed me for many years. You may think that celebrities can "have it all" but all I want is a good old fashioned FUPA for my lovely love John Mayer to rest his head upon. He can make his strange faces into it while I gently stroke his hair and sing "This little light of mine" into his ear. I've tried overeating but I either can't resist the urge to purge, or all the weight goes straight to my labias instead of the upper region where I'd like it. But thanks to HIGH-RISE JEANS, my lack of a FUPA problem is solved! These high-rise jeans are perfect because they are all bunchy right where my FUPA would be! Me & John thank you, awful jeans, for making my lifelong dream become a reality!