It's Friday! It's good! It's time for everybody's favorite feature blank or not-a-blank! Today, we speak of La Lohan. Now before you go screaming about how we should burn that HO, let's think about this one. We're not just crazy a-holes who like to call people names! Okay, we kind of are. But let's delve a bit deeper, shall we:
Alright. Lindsay Lohan pretty much always looks like a straight up HO. Take the picture above, for example. She's not even trying to hide the goods. What's the point though? We've seen it all so many times why even bother dressing anymore? What a G.D. HO
Lindsay Lohan is a perfect example of "When Fame happens to Good People". Other celebrities that are also plagued with this problem include: Halle Berry, Justin Timberlake, and the late Mother Teresa. If these people would have just stayed "regular" they probably would be normal, moderately well-adjusted, everyday citizens. But they caught the fame-bug (especially that ho-bag Mother Teresa) and then they went bad. I'm not excusing their behavior or saying that being famous is an excuse for being a dick, but it can definitely change a ho. Not-A-Ho???
Lindsay Lohan may be genetically predisposed to whoredom because she has a whore for a mother. She is also predisposed to crazy thanks to her nutjob father. Since she came from 2 completely insane douchebags, the girl can't help it if she needs love and finds said love by ho-ing around. Hey that reminds me of a sweet jam that I love. Damn, I don't know if it's the Journey or the sugar high from all the Peeps I've inhaled, but I am feeling mighty generous right now. Not-A-Ho
Wait, what am I saying? If I've learned anything from Lindsay Lohan it is that I must be adequite at all times. Well, how fucking adequite am I being if I just give Lindsay a pass because her parents are crazy and she's famous? Not very adequite at all, I'd say. I don't care if your mommy & daddy want to use you for your fame, or if you have no privacy, or if you used to be so coked up you thought sending out crazy emails to everyone you knew was a good idea. I don't get to run around showing my hoo-ha to the world just because daddy used to lock me in the basement, and when I was let out mommy made me give handjobs to the gas station attendant for free cigarettes. You must be adequitely held accountable for the crazed shit that you do. HO.
Stop telling everyone you are clean & sober, and stop pretending that those water bottles are filled with water and not vodka. Did you forget that people take pictures of you everywhere you go? We know that you are drunk. We don't care that you are drunk. We're glad you are drunk. If I were you, you better believe I'd be drunk 24/7. It's called self-control, and everyone's got a little bit of it. If you don't, you should pick some better friends who will look after your ass when you get all sloppy. HO.
If there is one thing that Lindsay honestly cannot help, it is being a firecrotch. You can't fault the girl for having red pubes. And I definitely hate Brandon Davis more than I hate Lindsay Lohan. Not-A-Ho
Lindsay Lohan thinks that hitting shuffle on her itunes makes her a DJ. When she's not pretending to DJ via computer, she's pretending to DJ with that DJ Aoki douche from one of those fucking websites that I hate. I can feel the rage starting to overwhelm the peep sugar high. I'd better stop. HO.
When all is said and done, I say that Lindsay Lohan is a HO, but it's not too late for her to come back to being Not-A-Ho. Maybe she needs to get back to working with Disney. She also needs to realize that her life shouldn't still be like high school and she should divorce herself from her mom (why did kids stop doing that?). Only then, will this firecrotch regain the prestigious title of Not-A-Ho. Chime in and tell us how you really feel, in the comments! Just remember to keep this shit adequite, y'all.