Friday, April 13, 2007

Gwen Stefani: Clang or Not-A-Clang

Before we get into this week's Blank or Not-A-Blank, allow me to clarify that I'm not asking whether or not you think Gwen Stefani has a clang, I'm merely inquiring as to whether or not you think she is a clang. You know, I mean it in the same way you'd call a guy a dick, or a baby an A-Hole. Summer 2K7 is the Summer of Clang, y'all. Let's get it started by finding out if Gwen Stefani is one:

Gwen Stefani is in Harper's Bazaar this month. In said publication she says that she's very vain & that she's been on a diet all her life. I hate Gwen Stefani and her dedication to her vanity. When I try to go on a diet, I convince myself that I've done a good job if I eat 4 pieces of pizza instead of the entire thing. Eff you, Gwen Stefani and your thin & popular frame. Clang

Gwen Stefani had one of the cutest babies ever take a ride on her baby slide. Every time I see pictures of Kingston I punch myself in the face. A clang couldn't have produced such a cute baby. (Side Note: If Gwen Stefani literally does have a Clang, do you think Kingston used it to Tarzan out the vagina?) Not-A-Clang

What the shit is up with those harajuku girls? I appreciate that she's gathered a group of Asian girls to show us that Asian girls should be only looked at, never spoken to, and always accompanied by a far superior white woman, but couldn't she have picked some better looking Asians? I know they exist.

Oh who am I kidding? I wouldn't be able to tell the difference anyway. Don't you remember that all Asians look the same? Clang

But Guh'Damn if this possible Clang doesn't have some sweet jams. Not counting that 'Wind it Up' bullshit, of course. I'm not ashamed to admit that I liked all three songs I heard from her Love Angel Music Baby album. Granted, I was drunk for the majority of 2004. Not-A-Clang

Calling your album & fashion line Love Angel Music Baby is really lame. I would have went with I've bleached my hair so often it should be falling out any day now or the always popular There is no doubt that I make aaa-way more money than any of you sad bastards I used to be in No Doubt with. Clang

But I do respect Gwen Stefani for having her own children instead of adopting them, not doing that much charity work, staying married to the same guy for a while, and spending all her money on looking fabulous. That's the kind of celebrity I'd like to see more of. Not-A-Clang

Well, since we have a tie, I'm gonna leave this one up to y'all. How do you feel about this ho? Hollaback clangs, in the comments!


ray said...

id have to say not a clang - shes way too cute.

gabriela said...

well, at least she's pretty

jambles. said...

her clothing line is a-way overpriced and often fug. she sometimes dresses like a total asshole. clang.

Greg said...

Did you see her perform on Idol? I'm voting clang.

Anonymous said...

The reason why Gwen takes those Harajuku girls around like Paris Hilton's doggies is simply because she looks so much better than them. I mean, those plain-faced japanese girls aren't exactly "well built" and all of their short legs combined wouldn't equal Gwen's nice legs. So, I'll vote -- NOT a clang... just a smart (and hot) babe!

Anonymous said...

not a clang

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