Dear Britney Spears,
We know you are really excited about your new body. We also know that you are really ashamed about that whole silly head-shaving incident, and like to cover it up with a cowboy hat. But this shit needs to stop. It is April 30, not October 31st - so these "slutty [insert profession here - my guess is waitress?]" costumes you keep wearing are really inappropriate. We're probably just jealous, though. I know The Gay is.