Just when you think, "Ok - This shit has gone on long enough...someone will stop Britney now, right? RIGHT?!?", it just doesn't happen. Britney's career reminds me of a dead, beached whale that needs to be blown up so I don't have to see it anymore:
Oh, you think I'm being too harsh? Did you hear what The Daily Mail had to say about Britney's latest venture out into the world? First, she tried to book a room, but she did not have an ID or credit card, so she tried to give the concierge a piece of paper with a partial credit card number on it. Then, she tried to shave her friggin' legs IN THE POOL!!! All the while she kept muttering "Nobody wants me anymore". You're right, bitch! No one wants you. So why don't you go back to Spearsville, where the currency is acorns, swimming pools are just big bathtubs, and oh yes, everyone is bald and completely insane, just like you!
Unfortunately, you are the only resident of Spearsville, but I'm sure Michael Jackson will stop by, as well as the dearly departed Anna Nicole. Yes, Britney, Anna Nicole will fly down from heaven with wings made from chocolate and methadone, and she will scoop you up from this cold, cruel world, and take you to a place where no one will judge you for wanting to shave your legs in a g.d. pool. You and Anna will skip hand-in-hand through a peaceful meadow where only good paparazzi photos are taken, and then you will swim together in the pool full of your shaved leg and pubic hair (because you know she wasn't going to stop at the legs, let's be honest here), and then, sweet Anna Nicole will lay you down, Britney, and make sweet, lesbian love to you - just how you like it.
Yes, folks...until that lovely fantasy (which, disturbingly, could also double as a commercial for Britney's fragrance: Fantasy) becomes a reality, we unfortunately will be subjected to many, many more shocking twists in Britney's sad life. Thank God it's Fat Tuesday and I can numb the pain by eating Paczki's until I die. Peace out, y'all.