Monday, February 12, 2007

The Grammys happened.

Last night The Grammys were on. Everyone hates this award show, I think. Even friends of mine that I think might like The Grammys, actually hate The Grammys.

Why do we still have The Grammys?

Last night I learned that next year will be the 50th anniversary of The Grammys, and I say we just stop there. You had a good run, Grammy Awards, but you suck and I'm tired of watching you. I'm sure a lot of you are thinking, "No one is forcing you to watch The Grammys, Girl #1", and you are right. But if an award show is on, I'm going to watch it, because I am a sad and weak individual. So for the betterment of all of society, whoever is responsible for The Grammys, please stop. Until then, I will continue to watch and bring you some "highlights".

Best Dressed for the night went to Imogen Heap, obviously:

Problem #1 I have with this award show: Who the hell is this person? I've sort of heard the name tossed around, but I have never heard the music, or been intrigued enough to take the 5 seconds to go to wikipedia and find out who the hell this chick is. But, I like her style, and I hope she sticks around for a while, mostly because I am looking forward to a her Vs. Bjork wacky-off.

The runner-up for Best Dressed would have to go to Seal. My lovely friend Jarvis pointed out that his jacket was most likely made from real baby seals:

The God among men, Prince, was there:

Do you remember when I asked the question: When did you turn on Beyonce? I think it is safe to assume that we've all turned on Beyonce at this point. But, when is Prince going to drop this ho? I can't fully drop her until Prince gives me the ok, and I'm hoping that moment comes sooner than later. But last night, Prince announced Beyonce's performance, and Beyonce emerged, trying once again to prove that she can REALLY sing!

Turns out, no matter how much she scrunches up her face, her performances remain only okay. Beyonce, it is okay to be just a pop star. You are still making millions, so just relax, please.

Last night also featured a lot of "trio" performances that made no sense and were really far too long. The first was that chick who sings the cute songs and rides her bike in the video (Corinne Bailey Rae), the unbelievably hottness that is John Legend, and the unbelievably doucheness that is John Mayer. At first I didn't understand why these three people were thrown together to perform, and then as the night went on, I realized that white people were peppered into black performances so that the white man wouldn't be scared that black people are occupying all of the spotlight in the music industry. It's okay, white still have the Dixie Chicks and a slew of awful singer/songwriters like John Mayer and James Blunt.

One performance that did not have a white person in it was another trio, this time of Smokey Robinson, Lionel Richie, and Chris Brown:

I'm sorry, Chris Brown, I like your jams and all, but you are in no where near the same league as the two that you performed with. Sure, you did your flips and your dancing onstage...but Lionel sang "Hello", man. I hope Chris Brown realizes how lucky he was to even stand in the presence of Lionel and Smokey, but I'm sure he didn't. And so it goes...

This just of last night, Quentin Tarantino is officially black. I'm sorry, black people...but he is yours now. You know he's been trying for so long, so I think it is about time we just give it to him.

Best performance of the night, unfortunately did not go to the hyped police reunion, although Sting did remind us that he can still rock a sleeveless vest like no other:

No, best performance would have to go to Justin Timberlake, for his strange hand held video camera thing that he did:

What the hell was that? Although part of me loved it because it reminded me of the show "Fear" that was once on MTV, I didn't really understand what was going on, nor did I want to be that close to Justin's nose...ever. Perhaps the camera was a direct feed to Cameron Diaz's home PC?

And that's all I got from the Grammy's. Some people won some crap, I can see a full list of winners here. Some people wore some crap, I can see a bunch of red carpet photos here.


Jellybean Sunshine said...

last night felt like a scream fest from beyonce, mary j, and christina. what was that about? also can't wait for scarlett j's album.

Mindy said...

No comment on Smokey's shirt?! That thing was absurd. I know he's an icon or whatever, but that doesn't give him free reign to wear lacey shirts!

Molly said...

i really like imogen heap's music. i saw her in toronto last spring. i like her even though she's cool with the O.C. crowd. she's neat. she makes crazy "eep!" sounds when she isn't playing on her magic keyboard. girl #1, do i need to make you a mix cd? yes?

Anonymous said...

the grammy's were tired because they needed a host. we don't want quentin. he looks too creepy. justin looked high again, i want him to shave and grow his hair back.