Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Happy 2007!

Welcome back, everyone! Hope your new years was safe and wonderful. Let's re-cap what some celebrities did to ring in the New Year...

Before 2006 came to an end, a beached whale was found struggling to take its last breath, while scratching his balls:

My dear lord, that is no beached whale...that is Brandon Davis! This dude is so amazingly disgusting, there are no words...I can't believe people let him put his wang in them...there is no way...Sick.

Britney Spears looked ready to ring in the New Year! And by "ready to ring in the New Year" I mean she looked like she was about to be thrown on a grill and cooked up with the other sausages. Yikes Britney, cover some of that shit up...

More on Britney passing out on New Year's from The Gay...

What I want to know is...What the hell happened to Carson Daly?

Every picture of him from New Year's is like that. Big bug eyes, generally "too cracked out to speak" expression. Just keep smiling, Carson...no one will wonder what the hell is wrong with you if you just...keep...smiling...

Yikes. Unfortunately, I did not get to see how cracked out Carson may have been acting. I was too busy being thoroughly disturbed and shaken to the very core of my being by watching Dick Clark count down to 2007.

Ok. Dude is DONE. Please for the love of god, stop putting Dick Clark on my TV. I grew up watching him too, and sure, he's a staple on new years, but the guy is hanging on to life by a thread. I'm sorry, I've gotten into this debate with a couple of friends who think that Dick Clark should continue to be on TV, and I totally disagree. When is he just going to take a break and live the rest of his life off camera? He can't even do the countdown anymore! Then his creepy wife came to kiss him and I thought I was going to spew. I am not disrespecting the work this guy has done, but Bob Barker bowed out gracefully, why can't Dick Clark? For real, this was the creepiest ringing in of the New Year I can remember. Please, ABC, no buzzkill next year. If Dick Clark is still insisting to do this, someone please step in and tell him no. If Dick Clark continues, I fear that this may be our future:

And if that wasn't enough...we get to see Nicole Richie and Joel Madden slobbering all over each other:

Hooray for them? You know things is bad when you are actually relieved to see pictures of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo kissing:

I guess all is well that ends well. In other news, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty GET MARRIED!

Oh wait...NO THEY DIDN'T!!! Nice one, Douchebag.

Well, I spent my New Years hanging out with a few good friends, playing the Nintendo Wii, and watching episodes of 90210...and it was PERFECT! Minus the Dick Clark, anyway. Now I can finally say...THANK GOD THE G.D. HOLIDAY'S ARE OVER!!!

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