Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Girl #1's Top 5 Moments of the Golden Globes: The actual show edition!

5) Brotherly love.

Ah yes, nothing gets an award show going than a drunken Charlie Sheen (with the typical "I just got a blowjob, probably from a dude, in the bathroom" hair found often at award shows) demanding, yelling in fact, that his brother Emilio Estevez stand up and be recognized for Bobby. A movie no one saw, or wanted to see. Emilio awkwardly stood up, gave a little wave, and then promptly sat back down, got on his cell phone, and demanded that his mess of a brother be escorted out of the building.

4) Tool time! Yes! Tim Allen is a tool!

Ugh...why is Tim Allen there exactly? What is he doing? He made an A-#1 Jackass out of himself by confusing "30 Rock" with "3rd Rock". But, I can understand how he could confuse the two. By the looks of him, he's been living under a rock since Home Improvement, so he's probably never even heard of the show 30 Rock. His shirt is all unbuttoned, he is sick. And Vanessa Williams was looking like trash too, wearing fur on the red carpet. What a ho. 50 degrees is not cold, bitch! Take that dead animal off you!

3) Talkin' bout balls.

Sascha Baron Cohen talkin' bout balls...FUNNY!

Tom Hanks talkin' about Warren Beatty's balls...NOT SO MUCH!

2) Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Wow. You are really making it hard for me to continue loving you, Philip Seymour Hoffman. You are a great actor...but...this is an award show! You look like a child molestor! And, for the record, no...this is not acceptable. People like to give these types a pass because they can actually act and are not just "movie stars". I say, you still have to make a little bit of an effort, man.

1) Burnin' down the house...

Of all the ridiculously long winded acceptance speeches, Hugh Laurie takes the suckfest cake, hands down. This dude is not funny. At all. Ok, he's a little funnier than Dane Cook, but not by very much. The show, House, blows ass. I cannot believe people watch that garbage, and don't realize that they are sucked into such crap just because it is on after American Idol. What really blows my mind, is how people keep giving this douche awards. He rambled on about god knows what while the entire cast of Heroes was standing behind him, praying for it to end. Please stop watching House. I beg of you. And while you are at it, stop watching Grey's Anatomy and Ugly Betty.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Grey's Anatomy rules. Amber, we are done.