I don't really know what to think when I look at this. At first glance, I appreciate the fact that his tongue is out...I'd like to believe that the photographer (is that what they are called? Mug-Shot taker?) was dangling the recently confiscated bag of cocaine in front of Tyson to elicit such a response, kind of like the way a child responds to a toy, or to coercion from its mother. Tyson responds to cocaine by panting like a dog. Well played, Tyson. Although I would like to see him looking a little more mean and crazed, and a little less...dependant? I don't know. Your thoughts?
Friday, December 29, 2006
This is a shame...Mike Tyson was arrested this morning in Arizona for DUI and possession of cocaine. That's fine, the sad part is that "police say Tyson was coopertive and acted like a gentleman". What? This is Mike Tyson! Bite an ear or soemthing, man! This was (most likely) the last celebrity run in with the law that we'll have in '06, and Tyson goes out like a punk. It's no wonder I, in the form of Little Mac, whooped your ass in punch out. Ok, that's a lie, I've never actually beat that game. Damn you Tyson! Foiled again! Let's hope the mug shot is fierce and old-Tyson-like.
I've been waiting for Julia Roberts to do something, just so I can talk about how much I hate her, and see how many people I enrage. Somehow, she became America's Sweetheart (no pun intended, as she was in a pretty shitty movie by the same name) by playing a slut. Everyone loves her and I find her to be horribly annoying. And her trap is huge too, and I apparently have a problem with that. The only good thing about Julia Roberts being pregnant again is that I wont have to see her for another 9+ months. So keep doing whatever it is that keeps you away from movies, Julia...and lets hope that you parent better than you act. Aaaah-zing!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
There sure was a lot of bikini wearing in '06. And I bet you thought that Scarlett Johansson would win the coveted TGG's first annual "Worst Bikini of the Year" award. Well, m'friends, feast your eyes upon the wonder and beauty of...
Yeeeeeaaaah! Who is that, you ask? What creature could think that a high-wasted thong bikini would be a good idea? It must be some D-List celeb, like Melissa Joan Hart or Melissa Rivers, right???
Whhhhhaaaaaa? What's that you say? CHARLIZE THERON?! You lie!
My god...that really IS Charlize Theron. Well, that's just too bad. Better luck next year, Scarlett. You almost had it this year. But when Charlize Theron's ass looks like a giant Thanksgiving turkey, you kinda have to give her an award...
Please note, that this is not the same kind of hate i feel when I look at Jessica Biel in a bikini. That kind of hate is seething jealousy. This kind of hate is the deep-rooted, murderous kind. Just looking at a picture of Paris Hilton, doing anything, makes me want to smash my face in. I don't understand her...I only want to kill her. Here is a picture of her wondering what it might be like to have boobs:
Thanks Dlisted???? Click the link if you really want to see more pictures of Paris and her slutty friend in Australia.
These 3 dudes are on a soccer team. They also boned some chick and it's all on tape! Click here to watch the video. And by the way, the website that is hosting the video is www.totallynsfw.com. Needless to say, this is pretty much straight up porn, so maybe wait to get home before you watch it. Now, you probably won't believe me, but I haven't watched the whole thing. I clicked on it and said "Oh my god...it's porn!" and then closed it, but apparently there are friends that are fully clothed and just hanging out in the room, and one of them gives a thumbs up. It's always good to know that you are doing something right. I wish I could have a friend in the room watching me bone, that way if I was ever unsure of something, I could just look to my friend and either get a thumbs up, or a thumbs down. That's what friends are for, right?
Also, if you do watch it, The Sun would like to know if you recognize the girl. If you are the blue-haired slut getting soccer wang shoved in all of your openings, please be a doll and call: 020 7782 4100.
"Who the hell is that?", is what you are probably asking yourself right now. Well crazy on the left is Tim Burton, and Tits McGee on the right is his "model, actress, artist, writer and photographer" ex-girlfriend Lisa Marie (funny, she does all that crap and still I've never heard of her). They were together for 10 years or so, and their relationship ended in 2001. Now she wants some more money, and is seeking PALIMONY. I didn't know there was such a thing as palimony, so I looked it up on Wikipedia. Turns out, a bunch of celebrities like to sue each other when they are not married, break up, and still want some money. The only time I think this is acceptable is when you gays want to do it. Any other time, I find it to be pretty much ridiculous...
According to Tits McGee, Tim Burton agreed to "financially support her for the rest of her life", and TMZ is reporting that "She alleges that her financial advisors, her lawyer and her friend, Cherry Vanilla, all worked with Burton to make her feel as if she didn't have a case against Burton for lifetime support. According to her suit, 'They unconscionably played upon Plaintiff's emotional weakness by continually telling her that she was facing poverty unless she entered into a settlement with Burton on terms acceptable to Burton.'"
That's right. She faced POVERTY. I guess I can kind of see that, because choosing to be either a model OR an actress OR an artist OR a writer OR a photographer is not a lucrative profession on its own. But I have to believe that if you combine all 5 you MUST be able to make a little bit of money. Oh, and she got $2.7 million dollars and an apartment. All I got from an ex was $10 and a note telling me to "buy myself something pretty". Oh, and the clap. Then someone told me that I wasn't in a relationship with those men, I was doing something called "Prostitution". I had never heard that word before either, so I looked it up on Wikipedia. Sure enough, I'm a whore.
...How this is fashionable? From the waist down, Posh is looking alright. But then your eyes move upward...the shirt, the lipstick, the five-head, the hair...yikes. Then you look to the left, where normally you see a brutally hot Beckham. Apparently, someone erroneously told him that the skinny tie was cool, and it was made even better with leather driving gloves. Sick. Can someone please explain how these two were allowed to leave the house looking like this? I mean...it's better than most Hollywood ho's, but it still ain't good.
A recent poll of the top 500 songs in the UK listed Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars" as the nation's favorite song...OF ALL TIME. Yeah...that's right. ALL TIME. In the history of music, they picked this shitty buzzkill of a song as #1. Who is they? I don't know. What are the other songs on the list?
2. Goo Goo Dolls - "Iris"
3. U2 - "One"
4. Oasis - "Wonderwall"
What are some others on the list? I don't know. Why don't I know? Because this story is brought to you by The Sun. Go ahead, click on the link for once. You'll see the whole breaking story. Jesus Christ. Can we just have new years already so we can get back to the regular world of celebrity gossip???
And, for the record, the greatest song of all time is obviously "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect. Where was this on the Pitchfork list of 100 Awesome Music Videos?
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Wow...the world of celebrity is really slowing down this week...While I won't completely stop blogging, there may not be much on here until after the new year, as celebrities like to keep a low-profile, before they go balls to the wall, completely shithouse crazy on the 31st. While I will bide my time until that faithful day, I'd like to take this opprotunity to say thanks for reading! We at TGG hope your new years is just as good, if not better, than the time this baby is having:
Tara, you were doing much better with clothes on. You were starting to look...dare I say, classy? Thank you for smacking some sense into me with that lumpy ass of yours. Ew...so was I just smacked by Tara Reid's ass? I better get tested...
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Concrete Loop has put together a list of the top 15 HAM's (that's Hot-Ass-Messes) of the year. Yep, I pretty much agree with that list...although, I'd like to add some to the list:
and who can forget Bai Ling, who never disappoints in this category:
Oh what the hell...there's nothing else to "report" so I'll throw in one more, just to piss some people off:
Pete Wentz (although he's just more of a dumbass then a hot mess, although he did have a hot mess moment in March when the pictures of him pulling on his wang to make it look bigger leaked onto the internet)
Don't forget to click on the Concrete Loop link at the top of the post to see their list!
Some slut named Amanda Wyatt said that she used to do coke and do sex with Keith Urban while he was dating and engaged to Nicole Kidman. She lived in his house in Nashville, did drugs with him, ate delicious chocolate M & M's in bed, and all sorts of fun stuff before he got married to Nicole. Their drug-fueled affair continued until October, and then Urban checked himself into rehab.
Why can't Nicole Kidman find a good man? First, crazy Scientologist Tom Cruise...and now this? I feel bad for the scrawny little Aussie. And feeling bad for celebrities is not in my nature. But, a little voice inside me is screaming the praises of Amanda Wyatt...only because if I was having a drug-fueled affair with a celebrity, and the only thing he gave me was M & M's...you better believe that I would be telling the whole world every little fucked up thing about him. M & M's, man? You have millions and I get little candy coated chocolates? I don't think so. Still...maybe some good will come out of this. Maybe Nicole will binge on Big Mac's and Godiva chocolates and gain a whopping 5 lbs, bringing her total weight to a solid 93 lbs. Bitch is skinny.
James Brown passed away Christmas morning. Le sad. James Brown ruled. Here is a vintage clip of him ruling, and it will hopefully wake your asses up, because if you are like me, you are exhausted from a weekend full of family and travel and food. I need to get up...get on up...but all I want to do is go back to bed...Peace out James.